I used to feel this pressure from people to forgive. Like I wasn’t spiritual enough or peaceful enough or able to move on until I forgave, and forgave NOW.
And yet, forgiveness is like a seedling under the earth. It either grows, or it doesn’t grow. You can’t force it.
I couldn’t talk my way into forgiveness, or scream my way into it, or even pray my way into it (though prayer does help). For a long time, I tried to force it. That worked about as well as trying to force a seed to grow by shouting at it.
Forcing something so pure and deep just doesn’t work.
And when it doesn’t work, then the guilt comes. “I’m spiritual, I should be able to forgive!”
That’s like digging up the seed, over and over again, to see if it has begun to grow. It just ruins it. It halts the process. It damages more than it helps. So I surrendered. I accepted it.
For years, accepting that I could not forgive felt the most peaceful.
Ironically, it was through that peace that I was able to look at the past with unbiased eyes. Then with open-minded eyes. Then with compassionate eyes. Until at last, something wonderful happened.
Eventually, I was able to look at the past with forgiving eyes.
It wasn’t in one sitting. It wasn’t “I am here, and a second ago I was there.” It was gradual. It was gentle. It was something that dawned on me. Or rather…
It happened at the gradual pace of a rising sun 🌄
I took my time to forgive. It came calmly, naturally, and peacefully. Now I am happy that I have fully forgiven.